Wednesday, December 1, 2010

When You Want Your Girlfriend Back, Making a Christmas List is Actually Easy

John started this site because he got dumped by his girlfriend, the girl he thought (and still thinks) he's going to marry. He doesn't have his girlfriend back yet, but he's going to document his day-by-day efforts to win her heart back, even if it takes him 19 years to do it.

To the 83 people that have asked me "John, WTF, did you give up? What the hell is wrong with you, do you have AIDS? A tapeworm? Are you sick? Are you dying? You need to update your blog so we can keep track of you and your never ending efforts to get your girlfriend back," I say, you're in luck because a lot has happened in the past 13 days. 

I tried cooking for the first time. The most complicated thing I've made in the past two years is a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Two weeks ago, I tried to make a maple-glazed salmon. Unfortunately, you're going to have to wait a few days to read about how I  charred an expensive glass dish, almost set the oven on fire and forgot to include a side dish with the meal. But it will be worth the wait. 

Today, I'm keeping things simple. It's December 1, which means Christmas, Christmas lists, Christmas presents, Christmas trees, Christmas everything. Think about it, everything is better with the word Christmas in it. 

That homeless guy that just stole the hubcap off your car and tried to set you on fire, if he was drunk on egg nog and wearing a fun Christmas sweater, then who cares. 

On December 1, 2009, John had a Christmas tree, a stocking filled chimney and an incredibly hot girlfriend...

This picture, taken on December 1, 2010, shows how helpless John is without his girlfriend. Instead of a Christmas tree and stockings, John now  has a trampoline, three blankets and uneven blinds. He really needs his girlfriend back. 


Anyway, while watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show last night, I made a Christmas list: 

Dear Santa, 

I would like  two things for Christmas:

1. I want my girlfriend back. 

2. If I can't have my girlfriend back, then I would like a vegetarian Panda Bear cub who is potty trained, not from China and likes to watch Sponge Bob Squarepants. 

That's it, 

Love, 

John

P.S. Santa, number two is a lie, I know panda's are an endangered species and I could get thrown in jail for owning one and you could be sentenced to 45 years in the slammer for delivering one. Which would mean 45 years of no Christmas, which would shoot Arbor Day  into the Holiday top 10 and we obviously can't have that. So let me make this simple Santa, all I want for Christmas... how about I just cue up Mariah Carey (and of course, you'll have to insert "my girlfriend back" for "you" to have this song make sense in the context of this post): 







2 comments:

  1. I saw a spell caster email address realhomeofspell@outlook.com on the internet when i was looking for help on how i will get my lover back. When i contacted him he agreed to help me and he cast all the spell for me after i gave him all the required stuff he ask for. To my greatest surprise my lover back to me within 48hours. i want to say a big thanks to him for taking his time to attend to me. You saved my life!

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  2. I had doubts about magic spells after purchasing many spells that never worked I actually decided to never buy a spell again. I have tried different spell casters..Some of them never answered me after I paid and were obvious scammers, some really cast a spell but for some reason it didn't work. Then I saw a video on you-tube with a person who was mentioning she had results with prophet ogidiga . Despite the suspicions I had his site looked real so I gave spells a last try. It's probably the best decision I ever made in my life because it worked and my boyfriend came back with me After I broke up with him I spent a lot of time wishing that I could just turn the clock backwards.He helped me do just that. fact our relationship feels like the MIRACLECENTER110 @ GMAIL . COM or whatsapp +2 3 4 8 1 8 2 2 6 0 9 8 2

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