John Got Dumped, Now He Wants His Girlfriend Back: Day 1

If John doesn't get his girlfriend back, he says he's never celebrating St. Patrick's day again. 

John started this site because he got dumped by his girlfriend of four years. He doesn't have his girlfriend back yet, but he's going to document his day-by-day efforts to win her heart back, even if it takes him 19 years to do it. John take it away. 

I was dumped on Halloween. Nothing is worse than being dumped on Halloween. The whole night, little kids came to my house. I would give them candy and then tell them to choke on it. I made Winnie the Pooh, a pirate and two princesses cry. Even worse, thanks to the tear-caused redness in my eyes, every parent that took their kid trick-or-treating thought I was high. So now my whole neighborhood has labeled me as the marijuana user who hates kids. I hate my neighborhood.

Oh and there is actually one thing worse than being dumped on Halloween, it's being dumped on Halloween when both of you are mad at each other. Why we were mad at each other is irrelevant. The point is that if you go through a breakup with someone when you're mad at them, all insults get thrown. She called me a "homeless leper," I called her an "infected hangnail." Are those even insults, who knows, but they sound mean.

Anyway, that's all you get to hear about the break up because this site isn't called "Why my girlfriend broke up with me," its called "I Want My Girlfriend Back." And I want my girlfriend back in the worst kind of way. We're talking I would let the Jigsaw killer from the Saw movies torture me for 33 straight hours if it meant getting her back.

Day 1: On Sunday [Halloween] night, for about 21 minutes, I never wanted to talk to my girlfriend again. Then I remembered the important stuff, like the fact that I love her and that I am 100 percent sure that she's the one (Although I'm an optimist, I should probably knock that down to 99 percent sure since I'm not exactly with her anymore).

Before I would start trying to win her back, I decided that we needed 24 hours to cool down, so I did my normal cool down activity, which is watch four of the 19 episodes of Real Housewives of Atlanta that my girlfriend has DVR'd.

How are their 19 episodes of RHOA on the DVR, here's why: I might control the remote, but she gets the DVR. For every five minutes of my content on the DVR, there is seven hours of hers. It's actually funny and it means I never miss anything on Bravo or an episode of Dancing with the Stars.

On Monday [The day after Halloween], I decide I have to do something special. So I write a long letter and tell her how much she means to me. The non-romantic part is that I wrote the letter on my computer and didn't print it out. I figured if she rejected me, I didn't want copies of my very heartfelt letter floating around the internet. I'm someone that normally tries to stick to humor when I write, I teared up writing the letter to my girlfriend, so that's why I can't exactly having it float around, it could ruin my rep. On the other hand, if she ever feels the need to put it on the internet, she's allowed too, because its hers.

Next up, I bought two dozen roses. Half were used to make a path from the front door to our candlelit kitchen, half were given to her and two extras were used to poison the food of my neighbor's dog, who was born with the mutant ability to bark for months on end. Not hours or days, but months.

Now before I go on, I have to admit something, I am an unromantic ass face. After being with the love of my life for over four years, I didn't buy her flowers for the first time until the DAY AFTER we broke up. The lesson you should learn here is that girls love flowers. If you're reading this and there is a flower shop or florist within 45 miles of you, you need to stop there after work and buy your weight in flowers. I don't care if you weigh 331 pounds. Your girlfriend will love it.

Also, I got a nice bottle of wine. My girlfriend loves wine, as a matter of fact, I would say her three most favorite things in life are: 1. Dogs 2. Camping 3. Wine and not necessarily in that order.

So how did my first step 'candle lit, heartfelt letter, rose offering' reconciliation attempt go?

The light in the room on the left wasn't on when she walked in the house, so you'll have to trust me when I say that it was at least three times more romantic then it looks.

Lets go to the girlfriend reaction gauge.

Girlfriend Reaction: 6. I definitely didn't sweep her off her feet. Because really, if you only buy your girlfriend flowers once every four years, you're not going to sweep her off her feet. You're lucky if she's swept off one toe. However, the gesture did relieve some of the tension that the breakup caused. Plus, I got a quick kiss and in case you don't know, getting a kiss the day after you break up is more exciting than tying your girlfriend up while acting out a kinky, kidnapping sex fantasy. So I was pretty pumped. Did we get back together? No. Do I still love her? More than ever. Will I try to get her back tomorrow? Of course.

Odds of us getting back together: 53 percent.

Oh and one more thing, I don't think I mentioned that we lived together. Yea, we live together. That obviously means day two is going to be way more exciting.


(Questions? Comments? Do you want your girlfriend back? Email, IWantMyGirlfriendBack at yahoo.com)